Motherhood Thoughts

Well, my little man is 13 weeks old already and I can’t believe how time flies, although there are days when I think that the time isn’t going fast enough.

I must admit (and not very many will admit to it publicly) but motherhood isn’t what I thought it would be. I mean, I knew there were ups and downs, good days and bad days but I’ve been surprised by the number of bad days. At times it makes me wonder if I have done the right thing. Am I ready for this? Why is Ashley good for other people and not me? And am I a bad mother if there are times when I just want to be alone.

Taking a look back at the last few months I can see that I am battling Post-Natal Depression. It is not something that I wanted to admit. I mean he’s only a baby and I’m an adult so why do I feel that I’m always losing the fight and things are out of control? I think things are better now that Ashley is happy with the meds and new formula. It really is amazing to see the difference in him. There are times though that I cry and feel that I’m not doing the right thing by my lil baby boy. I know that with me being teary and stressed Ashley gets upset and stressed too but there are times when I can’t help it and feel like I’m losing control. I have given in and let Ashley sleep in my arms when I'm sitting in the lounge (he won't stay asleep if I put him down), sleep in the swing or in my arms in bed at night time. I love this time just sitting and gazing as he pulls faces when he sleeps but it also means I don't get anything else done, the house starts looking messy and then I get stressed out...arghhh!!!

Don’t get me wrong, I love my lil boy and when he smiles, make noises and falls asleep in my arms he really lights up my day…I just hope I can get myself together so my emotions don't rub off on him and he thinks that I am a good mother!

3 Months Old

Today Ashley reaches 3 months old. We finally have his feeding issues sorted out and he is definitely much happier. Sleeping though has been another issue. I have decided to stop spending hours fighting with him about going to sleep and have began to embrace co-sleeping. This was something that I gave a lot of thought to and not a decision that I made easily. In the mornings Ashley now stays awake until lunch time. During this time he spends time in his swing, ‘tummy time’, story time and me singing and playing with him. His favourite songs are his nursey rymes in particularly Old MacDonald had a Farm and Hickory Dickory Dock. After lunch is nap time and night time involves a bath, naps and looking around (Ashley automatically seeks out the TV due to the colour and sounds).

Yesterday was another visit to the Paediatrician and he is happy with Ashley’s development. He has gained 1kg in 4 weeks and is thriving, so he now doesn’t have to go back to see him until he is 6 months old. The paediatrician has also given me the go ahead to start Ashley on solids at the end of the 4 month mark (so really 5 months). This will make for an interesting time I’m sure and hopefully it will help to get him to sleep through the night! Lately with his teeth trying to come through Ashley wakes a few times during the night and he still wants his 3 hourly feed, although every now and then he will sleep for 5 hours.